Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
