My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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