just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My cat gives me a boner
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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