he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.