Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

(330): View more from Ohio

I'll alert the authorities

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(513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet (330): I'll alert the authorities http://tfl.nu/v6wq

Replies (8) Good night (1277) Bad night (623)
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(817): View more from Texas

I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!

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(817): I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network! http://tfl.nu/tfom

Replies (3) Good night (2978) Bad night (515)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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(479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9

Replies (141) Good night (834) Bad night (2789)
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(410): View more from Maryland

He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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(410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51

Replies (16) Good night (1140) Bad night (4908)
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(281): View more from Texas

when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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(281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9

Replies (32) Good night (11011) Bad night (1200)
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(707): View more from California

I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet

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(707): I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet http://tfl.nu/0aqf

Replies (10) Good night (1689) Bad night (3419)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.

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(617): You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints. http://tfl.nu/h72d

Replies (3) Good night (1574) Bad night (711)
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(906): View more from Michigan

3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.

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(906): 3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on. http://tfl.nu/uzvi

Replies (3) Good night (1372) Bad night (566)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.

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(856): Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass. http://tfl.nu/qahd

Replies (4) Good night (1632) Bad night (490)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.

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(541): I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea. http://tfl.nu/3k5t

Replies (11) Good night (1101) Bad night (713)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

IT'S SUMMA TIME

(907): View more from Alaska

ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

THEY'RE THE SAME THING

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(570): IT'S SUMMA TIME (907): ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME (570): THEY'RE THE SAME THING http://tfl.nu/6h0w

Replies (2) Good night (1273) Bad night (508)
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(516): View more from New York

Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box

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(516): Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box http://tfl.nu/dk8b

Replies (9) Good night (567) Bad night (1460)
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(713): View more from Texas

I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

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(713): I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/unpl

Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (259)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

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(317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m

Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (260)
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(415): View more from California

I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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(415): I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think... http://tfl.nu/7nf2

Replies (11) Good night (295) Bad night (494)

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