FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped