Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.

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  (480): turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way. http://tfl.nu/4k3o
  Replies (30) Good night (4948) Bad night (852)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (6171) Bad night (1256)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness

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  (515): Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness http://tfl.nu/59mb
  Replies (3) Good night (2336) Bad night (1044)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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  (704): Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell (1-704): Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those http://tfl.nu/iyze
  Replies (4) Good night (1701) Bad night (893)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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  (503): And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company. http://tfl.nu/g17w
  Replies (25) Good night (657) Bad night (2165)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.

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  (260): I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much. http://tfl.nu/tatw
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (469)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.

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  (804): Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience. http://tfl.nu/3o6t
  Replies (7) Good night (673) Bad night (1520)
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  (209): View more from California

  So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility

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  (209): So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility http://tfl.nu/15q1
  Replies (7) Good night (1543) Bad night (912)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.

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  (850): Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids. http://tfl.nu/dauy
  Replies (5) Good night (1286) Bad night (734)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success

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  (413): The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success http://tfl.nu/ro65
  Replies (2) Good night (445) Bad night (851)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.

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  (301): Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one? (1-301): It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem. http://tfl.nu/x27d
  Replies (7) Good night (881) Bad night (504)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

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  (804): The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation. http://tfl.nu/w1hq
  Replies (6) Good night (920) Bad night (341)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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  (651): god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again. (508): I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended. http://tfl.nu/x893
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (269)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready

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  (404): All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready http://tfl.nu/n5jr
  Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (255)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear

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  (734): If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear http://tfl.nu/bc5m
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (156)

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