pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.