I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.