Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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  (207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid. http://tfl.nu/67sh
  Replies (15) Good night (6912) Bad night (810)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm like cupid

  (1-818): View more from California

  You're a whore with a bow and arrow

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  (818): I'm like cupid (1-818): You're a whore with a bow and arrow http://tfl.nu/a0h0
  Replies (14) Good night (5219) Bad night (879)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube

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  (403): I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube http://tfl.nu/nmda
  Replies (28) Good night (5044) Bad night (1351)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

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  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4615) Bad night (977)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!

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  (704): i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like! http://tfl.nu/0t7g
  Replies (31) Good night (1167) Bad night (5722)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

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  (575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him. http://tfl.nu/rbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (5027) Bad night (1274)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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  (847): This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle. http://tfl.nu/3imx
  Replies (7) Good night (1763) Bad night (767)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2341) Bad night (819)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks

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  (253): I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks http://tfl.nu/tvej
  Replies (11) Good night (1203) Bad night (694)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....

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  (605): But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday.... http://tfl.nu/rigs
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (521)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions

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  (513): He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions http://tfl.nu/8lj3
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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  (318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place

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  (714): So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place http://tfl.nu/9hat
  Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.

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  (509): People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis. http://tfl.nu/hrpb
  Replies (2) Good night (854) Bad night (326)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour

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  (412): Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour http://tfl.nu/9ahf
  Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (301)

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