Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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