I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
