Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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