I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
