So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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