I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
