Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
