I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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