she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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