Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
