did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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