oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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