I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She bit a glass in half.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
