He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
