Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
