There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
