my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
