Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.

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  (603): Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/y50b
  Replies (16) Good night (2320) Bad night (2397)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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  (954): I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers." http://tfl.nu/vnij
  Replies (40) Good night (5518) Bad night (891)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

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  (630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x
  Replies (85) Good night (7934) Bad night (913)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  HOT DATE.

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  (201): Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day. (1-201): HOT DATE. http://tfl.nu/4vki
  Replies (11) Good night (3759) Bad night (1492)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast

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  (609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast http://tfl.nu/q9sr
  Replies (26) Good night (1235) Bad night (7649)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore

  (209): View more from California

  You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?

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  (574): So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore (209): You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/4y0y
  Replies (20) Good night (1251) Bad night (4051)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.

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  (478): There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect. http://tfl.nu/c9bw
  Replies (36) Good night (1424) Bad night (5803)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

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  (206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h
  Replies (8) Good night (4525) Bad night (927)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.

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  (207): At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/nn7l
  Replies (9) Good night (2166) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.

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  (813): that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE. http://tfl.nu/ha03
  Replies (21) Good night (4416) Bad night (972)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas

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  (757): shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas http://tfl.nu/w87e
  Replies (10) Good night (1752) Bad night (3258)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.

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  (402): I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us. http://tfl.nu/si4e
  Replies (3) Good night (1289) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again

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  (240): All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again http://tfl.nu/54xi
  Replies (5) Good night (1385) Bad night (392)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.

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  (612): Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt. http://tfl.nu/hm2f
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (323)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.

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  (901): We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults. http://tfl.nu/zv4y
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (649)

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