i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of