what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
