My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.