Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.