she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.