Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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