Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
