every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
