my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
