I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
