i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
