You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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