Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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