i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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