If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
