O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
