I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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