i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
