lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
