Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
