she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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