Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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