So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
