I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
