omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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