I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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