Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
