nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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