you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
