just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
