so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
