Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
