Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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