i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
