the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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