I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
