Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
