my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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