I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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