I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
