It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Porn is love you can see.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
