so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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