either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
