I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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