If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
